Dear Auto-Flush Toilet,
I hate you. For goodness' sake, let me FINISH my business before you attempt to suck me into your vortex all the while spitting your nastiness onto my bum!
When is it you are supposed to flush anyway? Is it when I get up? When my shadow strikes your sensor? When I sit down? When I blink?
Why flush when I'm sitting and not after I've re-dressed myself? You lure me into your silence as I search for the manual flush button only to be caught in your line of fire, flushing with such force as to beg the question "Why aren't face mask dispensers installed next to the seat covers?"
I'd like to say this is goodbye forever, but I know you will be there at every restaurant and every grocery store waiting like a drooling bulldog to deliver your wet, sloppy greeting.
Not bowled over,