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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Talking to Myself

It's no secret I talk a lot. I do it even to myself, so much so that I have caught myself many times doing it in the grocery store.You know the stuff that people are usually thinking when they shop? Or what they say to someone else who is shopping WITH them?

"Hmm... this one is 50 cents cheaper than that one."
"Oh my gosh, that's a great deal!"
"Wait a minute, if I use this coupon with this variety, I'll get this for free!"
"I wonder how David is doing with the girls."
"What?!?!? You've got to be kidding me!"

I say those out loud while I'm shopping by myself.

I hadn't given this habit much thought until today when for some reason, a brief scenario flashed across my mind in which I was the OTHER person shopping in the same aisle as me, quietly looking for the chunky salsa when the process is interrupted by thinking a customer is talking to me and then realizing they are loudly talking to themselves. I can see where I might come across a bit off-balance.

If only I could wear a shirt that states:

I'm not crazy. 
I have small kids 
and am holed-up in my house most of the week 
with nary an adult to talk with 
and the grocery shelf offerings at least listen quietly
and without spitting up on me.
Please, don't kick me out of the store.

Then, I wouldn't look cuckoo.

Right?

I should accept now that I shortly will be one of those wiry-haired old ladies muttering about how many carrots will be just the right amount to buy taking into consideration the humidity in the fridge and the disposition of the cats living in the kitchen, all while other customers around me politely fake a smile and step far, far around me.

Or maybe it will be a good 30 years before you find me in the produce section cackling at my muttered puns, stroking my bristly chin hair, and wearing my newest cotton/polyester Blair special ordered from the Sunday coupon insert.

Either way, please, smile politely.

10 comments:

jerhoopster said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Englishfam said...

I think I would get a kick out of someone talking to themselves. You are probably making someone else's day without even knowing it. They went home and told their spouse about the crazy lady at the store talking to the salsa. Good times.

Lyns said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! That's all. I love the duster. No really. I have one. My grandma has about 40.

Heidi said...

This brings me as much joy as the guys roll-playing at the park last night...costumes and swords...I had to drive by twice and giggle. That's what I'd do if I saw you muttering in the store to yourself. You should really just get one of those ear phone thingies so you don't look so silly.

Kristen said...

Carry a diaper bag with you at all times. It's automatic proof that you have a right to be cuckoo. If anybody looks at you like you're crazy, throw a binky at them.

(Oh and hang on to the diaper bag, you can use it for your cats in the future.)

Kat said...

Bwahahahaha! I can see it now! :) You have every right to talk to yourself, talk to the store shelf, or talk to the jars of salsa. I find that the produce listens quite well too.

Amannda Ashby said...

I can not tell you how happy it makes me that you are a mother. I loved you before you were a mother, but maybe I love you more now! You may or may not agree, but only individuals that are trying to take care of small people can really understand how it feels, and you have such an amazing ability to put things into words, FUNNY FUNNY WORDS! You are wonderful!

islandgirl said...

Actually, the other day I'm looking at the books at Savers and this old lady next to me is just singing away one of those old crooner songs. It was kind of nice, and I didn't really want to leave...glad she could find happiness no matter where she was.

Adhis said...

That's what I will do, SING!

sharibug said...

I talk to myself too and sometimes sing outloud. It is a habit I learned when I had no adults to talk to me, so I started talking and singing to myself. It was also how I worked out many of my problems. Yes people thought I was crazy, but I did not care. :>)