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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's my potty...

Potty training! That special time when you celebrate your toddler's transition from diapers by secretly putting a diaper on their mattress.

I first attempted this thing a few months ago, as you know. I had no clue what I was doing. I had not researched anything. I had not read anything. I had bought panties. I was ready.

That went swell.

Four hours and 17 panties later, I wanted nothing to do with toddler training. The toddler continues to say otherwise. She is showing all the signs of readiness and I pretend to not see them. Nope, not going there.

Potty training continues to beckon, and I can no longer ignore its call. If I don't potty train this child soon, I will scar her forever, and she will cry to her therapist about how she has commitment issues because her mom refused to potty train her.

General Conference weekend is coming up. No work, no church, no embarrassing accidents. That is the window.

Procrastination shows up.

The day prior to Training Weekend, I am still unprepared with information. A friend emails me a potty-training e-book. The book says I should do some prep work a week or two before diving into training. I say in defiance, "Screw it. WE'RE GOING FOR THE GOLD!"

Day 1
Husband and I decide to just tell the child to let us know when she has to pee. Have I mentioned our 2-year-old doesn't talk? (Really.) And here I am telling her to simply tell me. Sounds like a good idea. The book states so.

So, the child tells me the only way she knows how: she spells spills it out for me. On the floor. In urine.

By the end of Day 1, my back is spontaneously giving out from all the bending over to clean and squatting down to talk to her at eye level. But I have hope. HOPE. She begins notifying us when she needs to go. She is tired of the wet.

Day 2
Pee everywhere! It is like a battle scene in a Sheen war movie. KA-BLAM! SPLASH! CONFUSION EVERYWHERE!

There is screaming and crying all day long! I am embarrassed to say they do not come from the child. Everything comes undone. She doesn't tell us anything, and she's peeing every 5 minutes.

By the end of Day 2, I wonder if I am doing things right. I may have accidentally read the "Make Mommy Cry" eBook. It is definitely spot on with technique. Everyone goes to bed early.

The one success: she goes #2 while on the potty, and we celebrate the heck out of that. Sweetened Cereal, Chocolate, Money. She gets it.

Day 3
I decide to stop counting days because it is making me sad. Also, crazy.

Day number something
We teach her the hand sign for potty. She does great! She tells us when she needs to go and gets everything in the toilet! This is EAZZY!

Day # 'nother day

She pees through every pair of panties she owns. At one instance, I catch her in the act of peeing. She runs away from me and hides in her playhut. This freakin' sucks!

Day something or other:

She does pretty well for the day. She decides to try something else in the evening, specifically, peeing on the leather couch. She accurately interprets Mommy's convulsions to mean I do not want her doing that. A few minutes and a change of clothes later, she sits on her scriptures so her new pee will not go onto the leather couch. I should convulse more specifically.

A week later
She is doing well-ish. A few accidents here and there, although some of the accidents do not look like they are done on accident. I go upstairs to check on the baby, leaving the toddler eating a snack at the table. I return downstairs to find the toddler squatting on the kitchen table surrounded by a lake of pee. (Dinner invitation, anyone?)

She has also stopped using the "toilet" hand sign to tell us when she needs to go potty. However, as soon as she finds out Mommy is using the bathroom, the toddler runs in shaking her little "t" fist in the air.
Thanks for the notice, kid.


Marcella said...

Oh Adhis this is so sad! I have to admit you are a fantastic writer and had me laughing out loud! You capture the reality of it all so well. I don't know what to tell you. This is normal. I had one crazy week with Benny and then it clicked. We had a month where accidents happened still here and there but after that he had it. You are a trooper and I hope this doesn't last long. If it does I won't judge you if you quit! :)

Heidi said...

Hee hee...You took having "pees" for dinner a little too far!
I waited until all of my girls were 3 and it went fairly easy. Nothing like what you've described. I don't think they are scarred for life. (Oh, by the way, no diapers at the wakewii home!!! It's a wonderful life).

lisapants said...

No one prepares you at all for this part of being a mom. All my friends who have done it say it's the hardest thing they have ever done as a mom. Yay! We've tried a couple times with no success yet. I think we'll try again after Christmas. Ugh.

Kat said...

Wow, sounds like you have a little rebelious streak in your daughter. :) It does happen. When we had trouble with Caden, I just kept telling myself, "He won't go to Kindergarten in diapers, he won't go to Kindergarten in diapers...." And I am happy to say that he did not. It finally "clicked". Good luck!