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Saturday, June 12, 2010

What I had forgotten about infants

An infant can go from 'Serene Angel' to 'Rabid Old Man' to 'Cross-Eyed Drunk' all within the space of 20 seconds.

Left to their own devices, they will in photos flash gang signs and the occasional Finger of Displeasure.

In a public setting, they will let loose in the GAStrointestinal department in the quietest most reverent moment. (And they are not beyond doing so right as you bend over or squat down, rendering the "it was the baby" defense incredibly less credible.)

They are magicians mastered in slight-of-hand. Hold your sleeping baby on your shoulder. Look away for a half second. Turn back. Someone will have silently left a gargantuous puddle of baby vomit on your blouse while your baby still lies in the position you last saw her.

When they cry, their little legs look like they're peddling invisible bikes.

They'll teach you magic tricks. Grab a new diaper. Nothing here, nothing there. Put it on baby, seal the tabs, wave your magic hand, and -PRESTO CHANGE-O!- the diaper is full! Wanna see it again? No? Too bad because as soon as you put on another new diaper and barely get the tabs closed - SHAZAM!- the diaper is filled again!

Infants don't blink for like the first 4 weeks of their lives. And then they progress to one very deliberate slothful blink a day.

They make you fall in love with them, even when they pout.

They trick you into over-posting their cute little faces on your blog.

[Posted song: "Baby Face" by Pepe Le Pew]


Kristen said...


This is what I was waiting for! I love your overposting of your deliciously cute baby.

I love her look. The similar-to-sister-but-got-my-own-features look. I love seeing the siblings that parents can put out. (Clearly I'm addicted to our ability to do so.) She's adoarable and worth all the effort that YOU put into her. =o)

But I dunno, my babies don't ever flash gang signs. The parents are always to blame.

Englishfam said...

So true Adhis!! I still think she looks like I wrong? She is adorable whoever she looks like! My favorite is your header (no pun intended) of the giant baby head. Awesome.

Lyns said...

That was so cute and true! She is adorable! I love seeing pictures of her since I don't live through the block anymore. It's more like all the way through the state, and then into another. :) Loved the post.

Ane said...

Love this fun post! I am checking of this list in my head as I read this...yep my baby does everything you said! I have to agree she looks a lot like you!

islandgirl said...

Mmmmm, she's beautiful, thanks for sharing the pics, growing up so fast! Fun post too of course!

rlkris said...
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Jackie said...

adorable. Man, what will she be like as a teenager if she's giving the finger of displeasure now?

Katy said...

She is so pretty, Adhis!

Linds said...

lovely baby. and you're right about the invisible bike- great way to put it. lol.

SadeRa盈君iford0412 said...
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