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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Bountiful Baskets

Awww... yeeeahh...

(cue sultry bass beat)

Baby, come get fruity with me...

Oh, yeeeah...
and get a little veggie with me...

(insert record scratch)

Ok, that doesn't make sense, but --


This beauty cost me $15 through a produce co-op!

In the mix, are two things that I am allergic to but hadn't considered I would receive.
They are SO DELICIOUS to me but also SO VICIOUS.
My husband is absolutely stoked since he loves those things, too,
and he will get most of them to himself.

Do you know what the two things are?

Also in my basket of goodies, I received one thing I have never cooked: Swiss chard. Now, maybe lots of you cook with it because you know how to cook, but I don't know how to cook. I am not confident in the kitchen when it comes to cooking something with less common ingredients or with flavor. I know how to mix common proteins, carbohydrates and fats together for a nutritionally-balanced plate. I wish I knew how to think out of the box and use spices. I cook to survive, and that's about it.

At the co-op pick-up location, I held up the healthy-looking green bunch and asked into the group present, "How do I cook Swiss chard?"

A very enthusiastic volunteer came charging at me and said, "You know what's the EASIEST way to cook it??"

"No," I smiled.

"You wash it and cut it up..." she began in a quite animated manner.

"Uh-huh," I leaned in with a smile.

"You put it in a 9x13 pan..." she continued.

"OK..." I said as I got excited thinking, "Hey, *I* have a 9x13 pan!"

"You put some salt and pepper on it..." she gestured.

"Yeah..." I said as my eyebrows perked up because, hey, I HAVE salt and pepper! My heart began dancing a jig.

"And then you throw pork chops on it!" she said like it was the period at the end of a sentence. That was it. As simple as that. Throw some pork chops on it and -wallah!- Swiss chard.

All of my enthusiasm went out like a balloon whose knot had been untied.

"Oh, OK!" I feigned. I didn't have the heart to tell her I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO COOK PORK CHOPS. I thought to myself, "Mental note: Google Swiss chard."

On to more familiar things:


That's 5 loaves of 9 Grain bread for $10. I usually pay $4+ PER LOAF of 9 Grain bread at the store, so this is a delicious score for the husband and me. AND I know how to use bread!

Want to score awesomely on your produce bill?
Check to see if you can take advantage of such deals in your state (AZ, ID, NV, TX, UT, W, WY) and city.

Thanks, Megan, for sharing this 'secret' with our 'hood!

Thanks, Aubrey, for helping me complete my first order!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Daddy Day

Daddy with Baby Dhis

Daddy with Baby Maya


(Originally written June 15, 2008

Guess how much I love you.
Baby Dhis:

Years ago, as a bachelor, David was alone at work late at night when he heard a little girl’s voice call to him, “Hurry up, Daddy!” The call was both a comfort and a confusion. How was he to "hurry" if he didn’t even have any romantic prospects in the horizon?

He later met and married the most wonderfully fantastic woman in the galaxy. (Ahem.) After 7 years of marriage, the little girl who called for him to hurry arrived, and he’s been in a sleepless hurry since. If he could nurse our baby, he would. Since he can't, he will do the middle-of-the-night baby burping and diaper changes. He soothes her when she's fussy. He fusses over her when she's soothed. He swaddles her. He does tummy time with her. But best of all, he loves her mommy.

David has always been a good dad. He was born a dad. He has been a good dad to his pets, a good dad to other people’s children, and a good dad to his own children. He's a calming force, a mortal manifestation of God's love and patience.

Today is his first Father's Day with a child of his own and, wouldn't you know it, he's out of town on business.

"Hurry up, Daddy!"

Happy Father's Day , sweetie!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

What I had forgotten about infants

An infant can go from 'Serene Angel' to 'Rabid Old Man' to 'Cross-Eyed Drunk' all within the space of 20 seconds.

Left to their own devices, they will in photos flash gang signs and the occasional Finger of Displeasure.

In a public setting, they will let loose in the GAStrointestinal department in the quietest most reverent moment. (And they are not beyond doing so right as you bend over or squat down, rendering the "it was the baby" defense incredibly less credible.)

They are magicians mastered in slight-of-hand. Hold your sleeping baby on your shoulder. Look away for a half second. Turn back. Someone will have silently left a gargantuous puddle of baby vomit on your blouse while your baby still lies in the position you last saw her.

When they cry, their little legs look like they're peddling invisible bikes.

They'll teach you magic tricks. Grab a new diaper. Nothing here, nothing there. Put it on baby, seal the tabs, wave your magic hand, and -PRESTO CHANGE-O!- the diaper is full! Wanna see it again? No? Too bad because as soon as you put on another new diaper and barely get the tabs closed - SHAZAM!- the diaper is filled again!

Infants don't blink for like the first 4 weeks of their lives. And then they progress to one very deliberate slothful blink a day.

They make you fall in love with them, even when they pout.

They trick you into over-posting their cute little faces on your blog.

[Posted song: "Baby Face" by Pepe Le Pew]

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Caption This Photo

What is the caption for this diagram?
I'll start.

I will drown you with my tears!

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