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Friday, September 18, 2009

Break Through

My mom and I went to a James Ray event in Las Vegas last weekend. Let me just say that guy is good!

We stayed at the Green Valley Ranch Resort where the event was taking place. Since, I was still in the gotta-have-toast-in-the-morning craving, we brought a toaster with us. That is what fine, rich people do. When we arrived, the bell serviceman wrote down the number of bags on our claim ticket. I was so tickled when he hesitated before writing "toaster."

"When's the last time you had to write 'toaster'??" I asked.
"Never before!" He chuckled.

I've stayed at nice hotels before, but this is honestly the first one I've been in that had a doorbell for each room. I rang mine every time I came back to the room just to make use of it. When the bellhop rung it to bring in our luggage, I turned to my mom and said in my best hoity-toity voice, "Mother, will you please see who's at the door?" When he rung it to come get our luggage at the end of our stay, "Mother, I wonder who that could be."

Here's one thing that befuddles me about luxury hotels. Why is there a telephone next to the toilet? Are CEOs and celebrities constantly cutting deals while on the john? I never touch the thing because I don't know if the last guy used it before or after he took care of business. I also don't like how precariously close the cord hangs next to the seat. Ew.

The calibrated snack tray had an array of spirits, treats, and sensual accessories. A Snickers bar. Only $5. A tin of Swedish fish. Only $9. A slim cardboard envelope labeled with some pun on the word "booty." $25. I noticed the light coat of dust over the entire assortment.

The event itself was AWESOME! At the end of the first night, we were led through several exercises to pin-point and demolish old defeating beliefs that have kept us from doing what we have been wanting and needing to do in our lives. James also helped us develop compelling reasons to let go of the old beliefs. We each chose a new belief to replace an old one.

In connection, we were prepped for a board-breaking event to symbolize our breakthrough. I thought I had this one covered. They handed us our boards to write our old and our new beliefs, and I got a little nervous when I felt the 3/4" board but reassured myself with "thousands of people have done this before."

The excitement in the room was palpable as the first round of attendees broke their boards in half. My stomach flip-flopped as I got closer to the line. I watched the little old ladies ahead of me break their boards in half and cheered for them. On my turn, I stormed up to the board holder and gave him my board. He turned the old limiting belief toward me. I took my stance, synced my breathing and visualized my goal. WHAZAM!

My hand hurt. The board was intact.

Again. Stance, Breathe, Visualize. WHAZAM!

Hand throbbing. Board intact.

Third time. Fourth time.

My hand hurt like Hades as it turned red and begun to swell. I was flabbergasted.

I got some words of advice from a guy overseeing my event. WHAZAM!

I can tell you that the board not breaking was not in relation to the amount of force I was employing. My desperately throbbing hand and the smeared ink on my board told me that.

At this time, I began my slow descent into a breakdown.

"What if I can't do it?"

"I can't do it."

"My hand REALLY hurts."

I wanted to go away.

That's when one of the advanced coaches came up and said "you've been carrying this belief a long time." I nodded and started to tear up.

She continued, "it's time for it to go away." WHAZAM!


I really wanted to give up. It was midnight, my body felt weak, and I wanted to sit down and cry.

The coach shouted at the board holder to turn the board around to the new belief.

"Read it! This is who you are. Now, claim it."

That's when I just broke down. I asked for a couple seconds to stand there and cry.

I got back into my stance. Breathe, Visualize. WHAZAM!

Board intact.

Stance, Breathe, Visualize. I thought I saw the middle of the wood burning. WHAZAM!

Board intact.

Stance, Breathe, Visualize. I paused and watched the board burn a hole in the middle. I watched the hole get bigger. WHAZAM!

Fresh air.
That's what my hand felt as it broke through the board and toward the boardholder's chest.

Everybody screamed. The board holder picked me up and swung me around. A bunch of onlookers gave my sore hand high-fives. It was glorious!

My board remnants were handed to me. Three pieces! Darn right.

So, this is what I learned from my own boardbreak breakdown breakthrough:

~ What I am capable of doing is not determined by how quickly I can do it.
It is dependent on my commitment to keep on the path, no matter how painful or hard it threatens to be.

~ Three strikes does not mean I'm out.
In the past, I basically gave myself three chances before moving on. Sometimes, the breakthrough occurs after 5 chances, 32 chances, or 101 chances. If it's a worthy goal, it's worthy of all chances.

~ I am more powerful than barriers.
Pain, when present, is only temporary and no match for commitment and intention.

~ There are worse things than physical scars.
After I broke my board and went back to my seat, I noticed just how bad my hand had gotten. Besides swelling, I had somehow cut into my wrist. My reaction in the past to physical injury has been to become over-consumed with concern. This time, something snapped. A scarred body is better than an unlived life.

~Others are cheering for me even when I am not aware of them.
There are always others cheering me on, whether I notice them or not.

~ "You always show up as you."
However you or I react in a situation is a pretty good indicator of how you or I will react in most situations. I realized I have quit many times right before a breakthrough because I didn't think I could handle anymore turbulence. I know now that taking one more step right past the point of Can'tHandleAnymore holds victory.

When did you last experience a breakthrough? What did you learn?


Keri said...

What an awsome experience! I would love to go to something like this. How amazing that you broke that board. I have had many breakthroughs lately and they have been painful...

Kristen said...

I shoveled 9 tons of gravel by myself. Two months later my ankle is still messed up. My breakthrough?

When I feel stranded, I can do hard things by myself. -But why should I? My dad came and did the 10th ton in less than five minutes. I may have a limp the rest of my life, for being stubborn.

That wasn't the breakthrough I guess. It's too hard to explain. Maybe it's written on the millions of pieces of gravel.

Jackie said...

My break through was today. I found out I am borderline diabetic. I decided that I will not be defined by that, but by the big piece of cake in my fridge. I cut it into 2 pieces and consumed it at once.

I own that cake.