I went to my physical therapy appointment this morning. Therapist Stephen and I have been working on pin-pointing the exact cause of my body aches. Wouldn't you know it, it's my butt. Technically, my SI joint. But at this appointment, we also find that my piriformis has been tightening up due to this SI joint business. That's my butt cheek, folks.
So, today, we focus on just that: my buttcheek.
Instead of the usual stim treatment, we had to do what he called AStim. Guess what the A stands for.
No, not THAT. It's Advance.
So, Stephen tells me to lie on my stomach. He pulls my pants and underwear down to uncover the injury site and says while he does this, "I'm just uncovering to the point of exposure," and I say, "You think??"
We both laugh. He runs some aluminum torture disk across my buttocks hoping to tear the muscle. He then attaches some electrodes to me, turns the machine on and leaves the room.
Partway through the treatment, something is stinging and burning, and I think "ooh, that burns a little" but I decide to buck up and endure the discomfort through the 15 minutes.
I get home, and show Dave what Stephen and I worked. Dave looks at me weird and asks "did he bite you?" I look and see a welt, like an allergic reaction to a gigantic mosquito sting. In my rump. I am confused. And then vanity strikes and I wonder if it was there earlier and what kind of hygiene did Stephen think I practice or not practice.
Hours later, I check to see if I'm still at risk for West Nile Virus and find this:
This is on my butt! (Actually, not too far from the Grand Canyon.) It's a flat red burn about an inch and a half long. I got my butt burned. So, this week, you have your opportunity to use any array of butt puns:
"Ooooh! He burnt yo' butt!"
"Know any good butt-burning exercises?"
"I like my buns toasted, too."
"Do you smell fat burning?"
"What herd did you wander away from?"