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Thursday, June 4, 2009

Divas against Tevas

My dear friends, I know many of you wear these.

I just wanted to let you know:
They aren't really shoes, ya tree huggers!

They're rubber pieces strapped on with nylon and velcro. (Nothing against velcro.) (Kinda.)

These sandals are not flattering on ANY foot. The straps remind me of my dog's collar. The style seems appropriate for little children who keep losing their shoes. That's it.

"Adhis, but they're--"
NO.

"But they really--"
NO.

"Just try th--"
OH MY GOSH, NO.

I cannot for the life of me understand the draw to these sandals. I'm no fashion mama, but I've still got fairly good vision. I don't get it. I tried to "get it." I even made a list.


WHY PEOPLE WEAR TEVAS

1) They're inexpensive.

I went to the Teva site and found their sandals start at $40. $40?? What the heck is in the granola these consumers are munching on when they're at the checkout with these in hand? These are expensive sandals! Running shoes aside, I don't even pay that much for regular shoes.


2) They're comfortable.

That isn't reason alone to wear these things. I searched Teva's website, and they actually have decent-looking shoes available. If people must go for Teva, why aren't people choosing these other less-offending options in comfort?


People, for the love of all that is dry and calloused, choose the shoes!

3) They're perfect for hiking.



Because of their toe-protective qualities? Yeah.

(Refer to #2.)




4) They're stylish.


(Refer to photos.)





The thing that puzzles me the most is that 90% of Teva wearers I have encountered have toes that should not see the light of day before making friends with a power sander.

(Holy... ::gag:: I can't even post the photos or talk about specific cases I've encountered.) ::shudder::


Other shoes that should not be worn unless you are at Woodstock or work in the medical profession:


Birkenstock
They're perfect for harvesting daisies, smoking weed, and giving peace a chance.




Croc
The must-have shoe for tending the nurses station, performing root canals, or while stirring the compost pile.




If I were single (and I was), and I was interested in a prospective suitor (I was), I would immediately reconsider if I found him wearing any of the above shoes (and I did). In the history of shoes of all planets, there are more options than these things. (Like say, electric-blue velcro sneakers.) (I, of course, jest.)

But, my friend, if YOU wear them, it's ok. I'm sure I will still like you. Probably.

7 comments:

Zannah said...

What about Chacos? or Reefs flip-flops? Are there sport-ish sandals that don't earn your ire? (Not that Tevas and Crcos don't totally deserve it. Because they do.)

Marcella said...

AMEN SISTER! I do wear Reefs but I know that the fashion cop would get me on that one for sure! I am riding below the radar...I only wear them to water the garden and to Wal-Mart!

Jenn said...

I want to hear the story of how Dave was told to loose the shoes.
Also when did we start calling flip-flops Reef's? I had to google Reef sandles to see what they were.

The Silvia Family said...

Adhis, Adhis, Adhis...girl you are so wrong! I'm pretty sure I was wearing Tevas (and Birkenstocks) when we were neighbors. I still do, although I switch them off with the more easily accesible Reef sandal. Anywho, I have never paid over $20 for a pair (you just need to know where to look). And I hiked the Grand Canyon (rim to rim, twice), walked over coral reef in Hawaii, and hiked all over Mesa Verde NP in the same pair of Tevas (I did take them off in between). Never had a blister and even managed to attract a husband at the same time. Don't be a hater! :-) Mindy

Kristen said...

You didn't mention thongs. Oh yeah, let's not use that term.

I SWEAR I used to see Dave wear Tevas... didn't I?

Crocs are perfect for little girls that can't put normal shoes on themselves, and for boys that won't stay out of the mud, and especially for boys that have... let's say... six toes on each foot. Roomy little crocs, they are.

Keri said...

DITTO!!!!

Mel said...

Amen! I hate all of those shoes! So gross! Thanks for agreeing with me!