Thursday, February 12, 2009
My Elfin' Pants
My green corduroy pants (if you live nearby, you know the ones, they're quite... green) met their demise today.
I generally love my green corduroy pants. They're loose, comfortable, and warm, but I know they're... quite green... so I try not to wear them much. But today was laundry day, and I had not done laundry since returning from San Fran, so the green pants were the only pants I had in my closet.
Mid-afternoon, I squatted down to pick my daughter off the floor, and on the way down, I heard a slight tearing sound. By the time I got my butt hovering over the carpet, the classic ripping sound emanated from the classic butt-seam location.
I ripped my elfin' pants.
These pants were supposed to last forever. I can only logically deduce that someone had been praying for those pants to leave the neighborhood. Maybe when I was in California, the bishop called for a ward fast about them.
Of course, when the ripping occurred, the laundry wasn't finished, so I kept my green cheek-aerating pants on. Then, someone rang the doorbell.
I thought about not answering the door, but it was a neighbor, and I knew she knew I was home. So, I opened the door.
Here, I would have generally invited her in, but my butt was exposed to the free suburban world, so we chatted out on the porch, my butt firmly faced indoors. As wind and cold whisked into my house, among other places. I heard the furnace kick on in the basement. I was heating the county just to save face. And butt.
Sure, it was 21° outside, but I don't quite yet have a relationship with this neighbor where I feel comfortable flashing her my nethers. And if we would have sat down on the couch, the hole would have gotten bigger with its accompanying sound. And chance would have it that I'd temporarily forget about the new hole in my rear and walk into the kitchen to offer my guest a glass of water. So, on the porch in the 21° windy wintry weather I hosted.
I don't know how long I would have stood out there freezing before I revealed my secret, but I was saved by a hungry waking baby. Hooray for kids!
Alright, the laundry's done. Bye, bye green cords! Oh, how I loved you!