A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning. "
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
Exclaims Daisy, "It's true, No bull!"
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birthmother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"