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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

FAQ's: Miscarriage / Losing our kids

I've been asked many questions this past week

In regards to my miscarriage:
1. "Are you ok?" Yes.
2. "How far along were you?" No more than one and a half months. We don't know exactly because by the time I found out I was pregnant, I was already in the middle of a miscarriage.
3. "How are you feeling?" Tired. I still have elevated levels of the pregnancy hormone so I have pregnancy symptoms: nausea, fatigue, sore breasts, etc.
4. "How are you emotionally?" Fine. Really I am. My self-value isn't based on my ability to get pregnant or have babies. When I found out that I was having a miscarriage, I cried for about 3 minutes, and then that got boring so I moved on.

In regards to losing the three foster kids we've had in our home for a year:
1. "How are you feeling?" At first, I was stunned, then angry, then sad. Now I feel peace, joy, and a bit of excitement as we become empty-nesters. My very sweet and very sensitive husband is another story. He is mourning longer, deeper.
2. "Did you get attached?" Yes, we were a family for an entire year. We celebrated all the holidays and birthdays together. We did family things. We were "Mom and Dad" and they were "our kids".
3. "Why are the kids going away?" We cannot talk about the case due to confidentiality. Basically, their caseworker decided that I wasn't a stable enough mom for these kids and she could find them a more "compatible" family. Honestly, being a foster parent to three children with issues is hard. We told the caseworker whenever things were difficult and were honest about the cycles our family went through. It turns out the foster care system doesn't really want one to be honest all the time, just some of the time. They want someone to report what they want to hear.
4. "Are you going to take in more kids?" Probably. Eventually. But right now, my husband and I are going to take a big ol' break and enjoy each other. Hawaii, here we come!

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