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Sunday, February 12, 2012


Yes, sweetie. For you I will spend 15 minutes wrestling 11 overtightened screws from a toy in order to fetch the beloved trinket you stuck inside it and could not get out. And I will spend the rest of my evening figuring out all the springs, levers and wires that sprung out of the toy when I opened its casing.

To fetch your plastic heart, I give you my real heart.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

President Grant Says, "Hi, Ladies..."

Utah has been hosting a BAYOOTIFULL winter! The weather has been mild, and I have opened my windows many a days to let the fresh air permeate my house. As a result, I am in a really good mood this season and am giving away money!

If you would like a chance at winning a $50 bill from me, you'll want to go RIGHT HERE for details. I've opened up the drawing to any woman currently residing in the United States who thinks they would like an extra $50 to use in any fashion they desire.

These days have been a little unusual with work, so this is how I have been using $50 lately:
  • Babysitting so I can work, so I can rest, and so I can date. (My husband being the date.)(Most of the time.) (Just kidding, sweetie!)
  • A body massage. I love getting massages. Now, I just need to learn to shut up during sessions. It turns out there isn't much difference in how much I talk regardless of how much clothes I'm wearing.
  • Gasoline. Each fill-up costs about $50, where it used to be in the 30-dollar range. I feel really old every time I bring up that I can remember paying 90-something CENTS per gallon of gas. I sound just like old people who reminisce about penny candy.
  • Paper! Technically, it's color copies of documents and flyers, but when I look at the receipt, I think, "Fifty bucks. On paper."
  • Giveaways. I can do it because I have it. Isn't sharing, fun?

I recall when $50 meant eating for two weeks or not at all. Now, it's spent on paper that I GIVE AWAY. Is there something wrong with that picture? Not as long as I provide a value for others and I continue to be grateful for the blessings I receive!

What does $50 mean to you today?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Thanksgiving Kitchen Recap

Make pie crusts. Three-year-old asks to eat it, thinking I just made two large cookies. The only other time she recalls seeing the rolling pin in her young life is when we rolled out sugar cookies two weeks earlier.

Next day, pour in pumpkin pie mix, 3-year-old asks to eat it. I tell her, "Mommy has to cook it first."

"Ohhhh... cook?"

I put the pie in the fridge. She goes to bed.

Bake a cheesecake. Quickly put it in the fridge before I'm tempted to "pre-slice" it so I can steal a bite. Bake the pumpkin pie. Run upstairs and work on newsletter. Get sleepy. Zoned out when the smell of pumpkin pie hits my office. Not good. Smells only reach upstairs when food is burning. Run downstairs.

Timer shows it went off 45 minutes earlier. Pie is black. Hope for best. Pumpkin is pretty resilient. I tell myself that again.

Thanksgiving morning. Husband snored all night. I hit "snooze" too many times. I finally get up at the last minute because the turkey MUST go into the oven NOW in order for it to be ready when family arrives for our noon meal.

In the kitchen, I realize the turkey roasting pan I thought I bought was only a thought I had forgotten to follow through with. No pan, but the turkey MUST. GO. IN. NOW.

Position turkey on a shallow broiling pan and aluminum foil, creating faux sides. I treat the butterball with a Swedish massage using essential olive oil and various herbs and spices before tenting the foil over it and sliding it into its tanning booth. You pampered, pampered turkey.

I am pressed for time, what with needing to shower, prepare various side dishes, and set up tables, chairs, and china. I log onto Facebook and cruise my News Feed. Priorities, baby. Priorities.

One hour before everyone arrives and the kitchen is empty of tables, chairs, china, everything needful to eat without pretending to be at Medieval Times. As is tradition, my husband is nowhere in sight. Call his cell phone. He has gone for a leisurely drive in the car with the girls. I attempt to muffle the complaints in my mind as I lug tables in from the garage while wearing brown suede wedge shoes.

Tables set up. Tablecloths spread out. China, silver, and stemware positioned. Husband and kids show up. Girls grab for every piece dinnerware Mommy has "apparently" set out for them to play with. Frown lines form under my makeup. Husband ushers girls into living room.

Turkey finishes tanning. I tell the gobbler I am going to give it an acupuncture treatmet. He doesn't see a thing coming. He looks delicious.

Family shows up 30 minutes late. Foods are cooled. Tongues are bitten. Meal is served.

It was a perfect Thanksgiving.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Shark Attacked!

Remember how I used to mop once a year? I now mop weekly. WEEKLY, PEOPLE!
That is once a week! And sometimes, I mop TWICE a week!

When I saw this baby in a Black Friday ad for $39, I knew that Christmas would not come unless the lavender beauty was under our tree. My husband had to get the thing or fail abysmally. The poor guy though had no personal experience with Black Friday, so I suggested he simply get up at midnight and trudge over to the computer and order my Shark. (Yes, it was already "my" Shark.)

My husband got up at 6am. Yes, six in the morning. Yes, when Black Friday shoppers are GOING HOME to SLEEP after a long night of eating customers and picking their teeth clean using store shelving.

"It's sold out, honey," he said as he crawled back into bed.

"What time is it?" I mumbled.


My eyes popped open. "Six? SIX??" and then I laughed a maniacal laugh.

"I didn't know..." he offered.

I hopped onto the computer and sure enough my Shark was missing. After a couple hours of panic and disbelief, the website was replenished with a tankful of new Sharks, and I placed an order myself. All was again well in the world. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever, I bought my own dang Christmas gift. I feigned all sorts of surprise when the package arrived at the door, when my husband was in another room wrapping the mystery box, and when I finally opened my gift.

Now... why I (heart) my Shark.

The first time I used it, there was proof a-plenty on the cloth that I had previously mopped infrequently, but my floor ended up looking and FEELING clean for days!

  • After three uses, all the grease and dirt build-up around my kitchen appliances was gone.
  • The floor is cleaned with steam, so it dries quicker than when mopping with a bucket of water.
  • No chemicals! Disinfecting occurs with steam.
  • Speaking of water, it only uses 1 cup of water.
  • Quick to use. I only wait 20-30 seconds for the water in the tank to heat up, and off I go.
  • Slim. Takes up no room in my coat closet.
  • Easy to port. No carrying buckets of water, so I actually mop the laundry room, all the bathrooms, and the front door entrance, which was previously unheard of.

CONs, though pretty much inconsequential to me:
  • A longer cord would be cool; in the kitchen, I have to change the plug location once. (waah.)
  • Must use distilled water; not a con for me since I have reverse osmosis at the kitchen sink, but this could be a "con" to someone else.
  • The Shark has more drag than a regular mop, but for me, it's easier than scrubbing the floor by hand, which is what I used to do.
  • Uses electricity. But the trade-off is that I use lots less water and definitely less time.
  • The kids think the Shark is cool so they want to "help".

I had been waiting to write this post until I had a couple months with my shark and see if I still loved it. I DO!

Excuse me now, I have a hot, steamy date in the kitchen.